23. March 2013 · 4 comments · Categories: Family

Yesterday I was getting ready, and as is often the case Grace was in the bathroom chatting away. I try to pay attention. I really do. But when someone has the ability to talk every waking moment you can, on occasion, accidentally, tune it out a bit.

So I was caught off guard when out of the blue she said, “I wish Grandpa Mac still lived in his house. I wish he could come play in my room.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I just replied, “Me too, sweetie. Me too.”

Just as quickly she was off on another subject and darted out of the room. She just left me there, with no idea of how her little wish revealed a thousand of my own. It was harder for me to re-group and re-start.

That’s how grief works. It’s a sneaky emotion that comes at you out of the blue, darts in and darts out. One moment you are fixing your hair and the next you realize you’ve been lost in thought for ten minutes.

I came across a profound quote this week. At first, I thought it was so mournful, but it has stayed with me and, surprisingly, has brought me comfort.

“I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.” – Banksy

So these moments that sneak up on me? These memories and wishes that the littles have? These are all just ways of keeping alive that which remains. The memories and the love.

But I sure do wish he could play in my little girls room again.

  • Penny Garver

    My dad’s been gone 24 years. Sometimes it feels like yesterday. I see him in little things, like my nephew’s eyes. I think about him, wishing I could talk to him about one of the kids I work with, get his input on what I’m doing. But I go for days, weeks, sometimes even months without feeling that tug on my heart. I used to worry that it meant that I was forgetting him, but I think it means that he’s with me enough that I don’t have to miss him so badly.

    • That’s encouraging to think there comes a time when you just absorb the person and the grief subsides most of the time. I will look forward to that time of peace. Counseling is still helping me walk through the process and I’m so thankful to have the opportunity to go and talk with someone.

  • Barb

    I always think of it as an ocean wave. You will we be walking along pretty good then SMACK you are hit by this big wave. Sometimes they knock me down and sometimes I even let myself get sucked down to the bottom, but most of the time I let Jesus help me through it. I don’t think they will ever stop until I get to heaven and there will be “no more tears, and no more pain” What a day of rejoicing that wil be!!!!!! Just to name a couple of songs!

    • Love the songs!

      The wave analogy is a good one. I’m guessing/hoping the waves are the highest just after the storm…

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