23. March 2013 · 4 comments · Categories: Family

Yesterday I was getting ready, and as is often the case Grace was in the bathroom chatting away. I try to pay attention. I really do. But when someone has the ability to talk every waking moment you can, on occasion, accidentally, tune it out a bit.

So I was caught off guard when out of the blue she said, “I wish Grandpa Mac still lived in his house. I wish he could come play in my room.” Tears welled up in my eyes and I just replied, “Me too, sweetie. Me too.”

Just as quickly she was off on another subject and darted out of the room. She just left me there, with no idea of how her little wish revealed a thousand of my own. It was harder for me to re-group and re-start.

That’s how grief works. It’s a sneaky emotion that comes at you out of the blue, darts in and darts out. One moment you are fixing your hair and the next you realize you’ve been lost in thought for ten minutes.

I came across a profound quote this week. At first, I thought it was so mournful, but it has stayed with me and, surprisingly, has brought me comfort.

“I mean, they say you die twice. One time when you stop breathing and a second time, a bit later on, when somebody says your name for the last time.” – Banksy

So these moments that sneak up on me? These memories and wishes that the littles have? These are all just ways of keeping alive that which remains. The memories and the love.

But I sure do wish he could play in my little girls room again.


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