I have a few sticky topics that I want to write about – politics and abortion and poverty and aids. Heavy stuff. I’m not going to write about them tonight though.

Tonight I went to the river to write – I normally go to Panera Bread. All I can say is, “Location, location, location.”

Something about sitting out here in the ‘silence’ of nature, listening to the breeze, has tempered my desire to write heavy.

I got to spend a few days with dad – he stayed at our house. We got good news at the doctor – no progression of his breathing issues over the last year.

Greg, Grace, Elijah and I went to dinner with my brother and his wife and oldest son. I think Grace has a crush on him – did you ever have a cousin that you just looked up to so much? It’s fun watching them together. She simply adores him.

Grace has started praying at dinner and she always says, “Thank you for Grace and Elijah playing together.” “Yes, thank you,” I say.

Elijah’s laugh. His energy – his very spirit. It takes my breath away.

I’m struggling right now in life. I am facing a bit of burn out – something about being forty and having these kids and all this desire to create – writing, photography, art. Something about that is moving in me. To what end I do not know. But I want to live an authentic life for both the sake of the Spirit within me and for my children.

I am very happy it is picture season at the Austin’s – I have several faithful clients each fall and I love getting to take their photo’s – and now we have our twins added in!

I feel both overwhelmed by the possibilities and underwhelmed by reality. I don’t think we should have to work. Yes, yes, that isn’t reasonable…I know.

Do you think that all this acknowledgement of the Spirit of God that is with me in each moment of each and every day – has all this acknowledgement made something come alive inside me? How cool would that be?

My Father in Heaven,
Lead me deep into your will.
Relieve me of all that is tired and old and unnecessary.
Create in me a holy heart, worthy and true,
Reveal to me a path that leads to a centered life.
Lead me to a place of value and meaning.
Love me with tender passion that draws out my very best self,
Quiet my mind so that I can hear your whispers.
Father, Abba…

and a breeze picks up and it’s time to stop writing and look up.


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